


you tried to crush my bones into powder (sometimes i think you succeeded)

by makemelovely



Category: Teen Titans (Animated Series)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Character Study, Control Issues, Gen, Nightmares, Past Abuse, Post-Canon, Post-Episode: s05e13 Things Change, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Unhealthy Relationships, i love my small bean sm, terra has issues but like we been knew, terra has made some mistakes but shes still a good person, the relationship (platonic) between terra and slade is obvs bad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2020-04-23 19:18:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19157311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/makemelovely/pseuds/makemelovely
Summary: Tara and the ghosts of guilt hanging over her shoulder.





	you tried to crush my bones into powder (sometimes i think you succeeded)

Tara’s leg twitches, a jolt underneath the table during geometry. Her stomach sinks like a stone (it’s always a stone).

 

Her body does not feel like her own.

 

* * *

 

Her hands are actually his, her legs are his, her powers under his control.

 

It hadn't been as simple as ceasing to listen to him. Every muscle in her body had to be fought against, every movement countered twice as hard. Her hands had been glowing, the earth trembling, and she was terrified that she wasn't doing it.

 

His hands instead of her own, one eye instead of two.

 

Maybe she’ll never get over it.

 

* * *

 

Beast Boy says it’s her fault, and it is. There is blood on her hands mingling with dirt, and no matter how hard she scrubs it’ll never fade away.

 

No matter how long she has control of her body it’ll never quite be hers again.

 

Her legs move, and maybe it’s not her. Her hands move, and maybe it’s not her.

 

Legs buckling after running and running and running because maybe if she moves enough she’ll be in control again, but it doesn't work like that. Her body had been his, and she can't forget it. She can't control herself anymore.

 

(But could she ever really control herself?)

 

* * *

 

She finds her way to the Tower, earth cracking beneath her as she walks. Her palms are covered in dirt, her knees are scraped, and blood soaks the back of her head.

 

It had been a mighty long fall.

 

Fingers scrabbling for purchase via roots or loose soil. Eyes squeezed shut as a power that was once buzzing under the skin feels like a distance memory. What good is the power over the earth itself if it will not come easily when your mind is thinking too fast to process anything but pain?

 

Near the bottom of the hill, Tara’s head had smacked against a rock, and stars glowed brilliantly in the darkness.

 

She woke up to stars glowing in the sky and shining brightly on Titan Tower.

 

Before Tara could really think she had gotten to her feet and stumbled to the Tower.

 

Her head aches, her hair is bloody and matted, her knees are scraped, and her palms are dirty.

 

The earth had turned against her.

 

* * *

 

She stares for hours into the mirror, fingers tracing over the sharp line of her jaw and her tiny nose that she scrunches every so often. She pokes and prods at her bony elbows, scabby knees, the jut of her collarbone.

 

Her skin stretches tight over her bones, and every time she feels a breeze she thinks of cool metal carved into her skin.

 

* * *

 

The earth trembles beneath her feet.

 

Terra smiles.

 

* * *

 

The wind whistles in the tune of Slade’s voice. Low. Ominous.

 

Tara clutches her blue plastic binder to her chest, skirt swishing in the wind. Her shoes tap against the cement sidewalk, and leaves crunch and rustle underneath her feet.

 

She flinches with every kiss of wind, remembering steely words and the sharpness of his gaze. Harsh and unforgiving.

 

Maybe she should have stayed dead.

 

* * *

 

“It was not your fault. It was not your fault. It was not your fault.”  She gazes into the mirror, eyes wide and open. Dark half moons hang under her eyes like a reminder of the penance she has tried to do.

 

“It was not your fault.” It feels like she's trying to swallow her tongue.

 

* * *

 

Tara buttons her shirt up, fingers shaking as she touches every button. It feels like she’s trapped in a body that doesn't belong to her. These bones used to be hers, but somewhere along the way she got mixed up.

 

(A man made her skin metal, and she hasn't been the same since.)

 

* * *

 

She hears his voice once.

 

“Hello, Terra.”

 

(She's only ever been a weapon to him.)

 

It’s like she’s being wrenched from her body all over again. Her hands are not her own, and her stomach drops.

 

Her blood runs cold.

 

(He wasn't there.)

 

(He’s never there, but she can't stop hearing him, seeing him from the corner of her eye. She doesn't know how to live without the ghosts hanging around her shoulders.)

 

* * *

 

The earth rocks steadily against her firmly planted feet, and she can't tell if she’s doing it or not.

**Author's Note:**

> listen i love terra so so so much!!! u should hit up my inbox on tumblr (@makemelovely) to ask me questions about her bc i'd love to talk to u guys about her


End file.
